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Top Headlines: Overwhelmed. . . moving is just too much.

I am overwhelmed. Moving is a bitch. We are dealing with HUD/HFA. (Government groups for housing issues)

·         We have to compare storage pricing.

·         We have to buy boxes.

·         We have to pack.

·         We have bribe, convince, blackmail, and ask for favors from friends to help us move (twice).

·         We have call ten dozen different numbers only to tell us to schedule a meeting with a counselor from the group.

o   We have meeting with people about whether or not we are qualified to got a house. I know we are qualified, but I guess they don’t.

o   After we fill out a million applications all asking for the same information, then we get background, credit scores, and probably FB statuses checked.

o   Then we wait and look for houses and hope we get approved before the house we want gets outbid.

o   Once we find a house we like and are approved, we then place a bid on the house and we hope no one out bids us.

·         Then if we get the bid, inspect the house, and get the group to approve it, we might get to move it.

These steps are hell within themselves, and the process can be as short as 6 months to as long as two years.

Health News

I’ve been having sleep issues. I either sleep for 10 or hours at time (if the cats do not interrupt my sleep) or I sleep in 4 or 5 hour intervals, which always come at the wrong time. I’ve been have weird dreams, where it would be better if I was better by myself than with people. Is my unconscious anti-social too?

I’m finally over my cold, but my uncle’s smoking gives me a horrible cough.

I’m addicted to soda-pop; I need to cut down. However my head freaks out that if I try to save my soda that everyone else is going to drink, so I have to drink it first.

I need to get back into shape.

Writing and Arts

I have been trying to edit but I’ve been so tired and overwhelmed from moving, organizing and dealing with my family that it has been hard to focus. I know time is running out.

Melzela Editing Goals

Chapter                                  Date Due

1                                              2/23     S
2                                              2/27     W
3                                              3/2       S
4                                              3/6       W
5                                              3/9       S
6                                              3/13     W
7                                              3/16     S
8                                              3/20     W
9                                              3/23     S
10                                            3/27     W
11                                            3/30     S
12                                            4/2       W
13                                            4/5       S
Total                                        4/13 Sunday

*W       Wednesday
*S        Saturday
Unless notified

Driving Lies (Writing/Finishing Draft 1)

Chapter                                                          Date Due (all Sundays)

6                                                                      3/3      
7                                                                      3/10
8                                                                     3/17
9                                                                      3/31
Total                                                                4/6

Crimson Shadow Collection Book 6 Deangelo

          Madeline Diary                                   3/24

Local Fun

We have been borrowing DVDs from the library and we are currently into Smallville. In fact, it’s now right now. I’m not really a Superman fan, but I have found that Lex Luthor’s character very interesting. (maybe I can just relate minus being worth the billions of dollars.)

Tom got a new computer to help his credit score. It is so fast, but worries me that I will not be able to keep up. I’m excited to get Sims 2: nightlife and pets installed on the computer.

Dear Me

Dear Me,

You are stronger than you know.
You are prettier than you believe.
You are younger than you feel.
You are capable of doing anything that you put your mind to.
Things will happen, on their own time.

Hang in there

Myself and I.

Laughter is the best medicine

Theme: moving

1.    Two moving van men were taking things into a house.
One said, “Joe, help me move this chest.”
Joe asked, “Why? Did miss Jones tell you to?”
“No.”, replied Tom.
“Then how do you know she wants it moved?” asked Joe.
“Because she’s under it.”

2.    One neighbor said to the other: “I saw a garbage truck driving yesterday. You never told me you were moving.”

3.    A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.He says, "What are you doing?"

She answers, "I'm moving to Las Vegas. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free!"

Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him where he's going, he replies... "I'm going to Vegas too. I want to see you live on $800 a year!"

Soap Operas

Well, we really have had much drama with friends or family as we have been focusing on moving. (Okay, maybe there was one good thing from moving.) We also had some issues with the cell phone. (So for those who wanted to contact us, but couldn’t I’m sorry. . . okay maybe not that sorry. I have learned to appreciate my own time.)
I haven’t talked to my father or my younger brothers in months; I do think about them, a lot. However I cannot keep living a double life and I do not think my father could handle who I really am. (He always talks about how women are broken/unbalance. It’s hormonal, but I think between living with a perfectionist (as he is),not working, but staying home (his own request), never doing things his way, and having household full of men that do not understand how a woman works throughout the month, it’s beyond overwhelming. I have so much held back emotion from acting like a robot in his house that I only have one good week a month, if I am lucky.)

Spiritual Edge

I am reading a spiritual book called Power Spellcraft for Life: The Art of creating and casting for positive change by Arin Murphy-Hiscock

Part 2

On page 52, I got words that it asked me to define.

Right/Wrong (I have learned that not everything is black or white. There are many shades of grey.) I use one of my mottos to determine right or wrong: “Do onto others as you want other do onto you.”

Justice is living at least a day in someone else’s shoes. It is being honest with yourself and other. It is righting a wrong in a person’s life without purposely harming someone else. It preventing a wrong choice before it is made.

Rebekah’s News © February 2013

 
 
 
 
 
 

Front Page

Top Headlines: I'm trying to push forward

I'm still stuck, depressed. Some days have been better than others. It just seems whenever I feel better someone will step on my nerves or make me feel bad. I am just taking it one day at a time since I just don't have any good money for a shrink.

I also think I will need a few journals for the next few months as Tom and I are staying with my mom's family. I really don't have much time to myself.

Health News


My body is still fighting from this horrible cold.  It lasted most of January, and I am never grateful for breathing out of my nose until I get a cold. I hate to sleep when I cannot breathe out of my nose; I kept getting dry-mouth.


I took my antibiotics, but my kidneys still hurt when I drink too much soda. It's hard to measure a good amount when I have 2 litter bottles. It's easier to say no more than two cans a day, and then I know how much I have left. (Everyone keeps drinking it over here, so I can't measure it correctly out of a bottle, grrr.)

Writing and Arts

I've written a few blogs. I also managed to get my first draft of a short story I had to write for a friend of mine. She wanted to collect stories from all kinds of people and publish them as an anthology to be sold for charity. I just like having the recognition. Anyway, the story is so 1300 words of bittersweet material about how I found my passion for writing when my musical path wasn't as stable as I believed it was.

I edited the story three times and I still think there are errors. I hope my friend reads it and catches some. I added 700 words and changed the title. The final title is called Changing Platforms.

I was supposed to be editing already, but that hasn't happened. I have been staying with my mom and I have been very distracted lately. I hope to finish Driving Lies and the start editing fresh in February.

It's the end of January and Driving Lies didn't even got touched unless you count me holding the two pages of the chapter I was supposed to work on as everyone would irk me with some money issue that I had no control or that they wanted to show me some new TV series or movie. Need to do three things in February. . .

Send my story Changing Platforms to my friend
Finish Driving Lies (I have three more chapters.)
Edit my first book of my vampire series Melzela
If I get a chance or need a new project I can also work on finishing a few short stories I have started. However I am working on the first three things first.

Local Fun

Tom and I have been staying over my mom's house. We have been playing two different Final Fantasy table top RPG games. Man, do those games drain me; I mean they are fun, but the pulling the over-nighters are going to be the end of me. 

I really miss my internet, which I might get once a week if I am lucky.

I try to play Sims when I can. I have been watching a lot of TV series that we have borrowed from the library. The series that I am really into: Two Broke Girls, Melissa and Joey, Supernatural, Bones, NCIS, CSI, Dark Angel, and The Good Wife.

I also love being here with the cat. I really think that I communicate with cats better than I do with humans. I know it's sad, but they don't complain or smother my perkiness with such negativity. I just feel better when I get to pet a cat as it purrs.

Dear Me

Lyrics from “Me, Myself and I” by Hanson

When did it start getting old?
When did it stop being worth the time
Just to see it through?
I don't wanna get used to 'It's over'
We've already said too much
To make it new

When I'm alone in a cold, dark room, well
There's still someone
That I can tell my troubles to

Me, myself, and I will never be alone
We'll find a way to get along
And we'll be fine
When all that's left is me, myself, and I
Myself and I will never be alone
We will find a way to get along
And we'll be fine
When all that's left is me, myself, and I

Well it's hard to see you don't belong to me
'Cause I gave you the best part of my life
Well, I tried to be everything that you want me to be
But I don't have to give you reasons why
'Cause all that's left is me, myself, and I

I'm not gonna try to forget
Maybe happiness Is worth the chance
Of a bitter end?
'Cus here at the end of the road
I don't really care who is right
I'll give you the last word tonight

'Cause me, myself, and I will never be alone
We'll find a way to get along
And we'll be fine
When all that's left is me, myself, and I
Myself and I will never be alone
We will find a way to get along
And we'll be fine
When all that's left is me, myself, and I

La do do, la do do”

Laughter is the best medicine

I live in Ohio and right now we have a pretty good amount of snow, so that is my theme about the jokes this time.

What's an ig?
An eskimo's home without a loo!

What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!

Where do snowmen go to dance?
Snowballs!

How do snowmen travel around ?
By iceicle !

What sort of ball doesn't bounce ?
A snowball !

How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed ?
You wake up wet !

What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark ?
Frost bite !

Where does a snowman keep his money?
Answer: In a snow bank.

What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Answer: Cold cash!


Soap Operas

Well, I didn't go to my father's wedding, but I didn't get out of bed that much during that weekend. I felt like something was holding me down. I'm pretty sure I disappointed a bunch of people, because I wasn't there tell something else that they hated about me.

I redyed my hair bright red again, but I did not get the shocked reaction I was looking for. I thought I was going to get more drama on facebook, but I think that my father's side of the family is afraid to tell me anything. I think they are waiting for me to explode.
I know right now I am not sure of myself, but I feel that I don't really fit in that side of the family. I'm into a stable job with an expensive house and 2.5 kids working my ass off to barely make all of the bills. I just hope my writing eventually pays off financially even 1/10
th of what it has with my happiness level. 

I have been dealing stress of the government trying to support my brother's disability. They just keep driving us in circles, not giving us any clear answers. I am just hoping we get everything figured out by the end of the month as I need to focus on helping Tom get into the right programs to get a new house.

I know I am not always the easiest person to live with as I can be very demanding and I have times where I take over. (I just think I can do thing a lot faster than explaining it.) However since we have five people in the house and I am making at least 75% of the dinners, I've made several lists: grocery, supplies, to-do list etc. It is frustrating, because I am dealing with the pickiest person in the world my negative uncle. Then he had the actual nerve to tell me to “deal with it.” I have to make sure we have enough food for meals, I am not just getting over it or just dealing with it. He and I have been going rounds: food, smoking, gambling issues, money issues, job problems, and negativity. I cannot be productive with so much negativity around me. nbsp;

Spiritual Edge

I am reading a spiritual book called Power Spellcraft for Life: The Art of creating and casting  for positive change by Arin Murphy-Hiscock

Part 1

On page 52, I got words that it asked me to define.

Truth is accepting all of the colors that make up a person including the bright, overly irksome, perky, sweet, and even the dark, depressing, overly emotional and ugly colors. (It is to know that nothing is perfect. It to accept the way things are. There are many people who cannot handle the truth; they need to learn to face it one small piece at a time.)

Freedom is the choice to do something or nothing whether or not you know the consequences. (Freedom is choice. Freedom is not always peace.)

Respect is accepting everyone’s difference and imperfection. It is tolerating each other. (Respect has nothing to do with age. I will respect those who respect me; it’s muetral understanding.)



 
 
 
 
 
 

Not myself: Depression

 

I'm a rut, slope, downfall, whatever you want to call it. Anyway I have been in one since October. (I think I masked it in November with my two NaNoWriMo writing projects.)

The end of September my grandparents (on my father's side) had their 50th anniversary party. Tom and I did so many errands to get ready for the party. I ripped my dress, and had to sow it in my father's van while going to the party.

Let me back it up, my father always made me very insecure of his side of the family. I honestly believe he really pushed over his own insecurities to me. Anyway, we always had to have Sunday's best on to see my grandparents even if we were just going to play outside anyway. It's not like I was going to wear dirty clothes, but it was as if we were always trying to make an impression on them. It was like my father was trying to be at the same level of his own father.

Anyway Tom and I had to do many errands to look nice for this party. My father did nothing but complain. He said Tom's slacks were too short, first of all they were 300 pair of slack that he had to borrow from his friend. It just pisses me off, because they weren't really short. And then my father put down my dress. (Then he tried to push one of my ex-stepmother's dresses that was the size I wish I was. Looking back that was a kick in the balls, if I had them. It's like saying “Here have her baby, since you can't have one of your own.” OUCH!)

I had dyed my hair bright red that summer, (same color I have now), anyway it had faded and there were pink streaks in my ash blond roots. I didn't have the resources or time to redye my hair before the party. I really didn't notice it until I had brushed my hair that day. I actually like the pink streaks, it was like I was a party-girl and a with the blond still trying to be me. . . it was my own look.

I felt like crap just going there. However the biggest comment that floored me.

“Hi. Becky. How are you? I hate your hair!” My grandmother stated as both of my grandparents avoiding me all day like I was the plague. I wasn't in any of their pictures. However my aunt and her kids are greater than gold and perfect little angels. (My siblings will never compare to them, ever! Even though I was the first.) The thing was I called my aunt three times that day. If I knew how awful that was going to be, I would have not gone or at least called a ride home.

Then at the end of the party, my grandfather only words to me were yelling at me. I was talking to the DJ with my younger brother and he yelled at us because of a time issue. I didn't know that we had to be out by a certain time. I never felt more rejected in my life; it wasn't a rejection, because I got scolded for money; it was the fact that the first and only words from my grandfather were words of rushed annoyance. Is that what I am to him an irksome thing he sees on holidays? Am I all I am to grandmother is something she can use to put her daughter up higher?

For years, I had this idea in which I would write positive stories about those who have made me who I am. I have my love of computers from my grandfather who worked at IBM for over 20 years. One of my personal goals was to bake like my grandmother; I also believe she was the one I got my love of paintings and art from. However after this experience it just really hard to pull the positive out. So I guess this idea I want to will sit on the back burner, until I feel positive again.

There is still more with this story. . . later that weekend, Tom and I were at a friend's house trying to watch football and forget the bitterness of the stinging party. My father called me up chewing me out, because his mother, my grandmother had chewed him out about allowing me to have hair like that. Then he pressured me about his wedding. (I was honestly questioning: I believe he was rushing into things and I don't think that they knew each other enough. Anyway I was and still am horrified of my father, I just believe that the monster that I saw as a kid, will come out as a kid. I witnessed a lot of violence as a child which he caused and it's only time that he will become that again. I am afraid I am becoming that, but that is another story.)

He wanted me to assure him that I was going to redye my hair a normal for his wedding in which he wanted me to be a part. I didn't want to wear a dress. I hate dresses. If I was thinner in the upper arms, had flatter stomach, and had better toned hips and ass, then I would wear damn dresses all of the freakin' time. I look fat and flabby in dresses. I hate dressing up, and going out where 90% of the people are rude and stuck up to me.

What I wanted to say was no, I will dye my damn hair any color I want to. If I want a damn rainbow on my head, I will have it! I am 30 years, I have the right to express myself. It can be worst, I could have countless piercings and a full body of tattoos. I express myself with my hair; physically it is one of my best qualities.

I also wanted to say that he was rushing too fast into this wedding and that he can't even live with himself over year before having to find the next person to fill the empty space he thinks he has. (It is the fear of being alone.) If he is too afraid to face himself, then why would he put someone else  in that position to do the same thing. He is a perfectionist and is almost impossible to with. I hope she is stubborn enough to keep her way.

I am freaking out that she has my complete name. I just hope he doesn't call out names in bed, because that would really freak me out. I also feel in away that with her having my name that she is replacing me. (I know it sounds weird, but I'm down to Beck, know any more with my name it would be “B” and then “Hey you.” It's one thing if you are just too lazy to say Becky, but I just don't feel like I have my own identity anymore.) I tried to drop it, thinking that I am over dramatizing it, but my head just will not let me do that.

 

Anyway weeks went by and then my father and Becky decided that they had to stop to see if I fit the dress, which of course I didn't and I couldn't stand the jacket. I like tank top idea, but the coat had to go. Tom's apartment wasn't clean as I wasn't expecting them over. I just felt like my father was judging us on a dirty apartment during a surprise visit. I will admit I do clean for company, and normally, I am use to a bit of clutter. (When it comes to all of my writing items, even with clutter, I know where each thing is.)

I just felt like during that visit he looked at me like he was better than me. I just felt like he wanted to say that he taught me better on keeping the place clean. I felt like he wanted to say, “You are just like your mother.” Can't I just be myself? He eyes basically asked in an attitude” Damn, do you really live like this?” He made me feel like I wasn't clean enough. It was like dealing with my grandparents all over again. I think that is really the moment when I first notice my depression.

After that I tried my damnedest to avoid all calls and messages from him, because when he did slip through all it was calls of work, guilt trips or lectures. He was moving his house, because he couldn't afford the mortgage after my bitter cheating ex-stepmother had gotten the courts to make my father pay her alimony. (Again that is another story.)

 

Most of November, it was easy to avoid him, because I was working NaNoWriMo: I was writing two different projects at 50,000 words each. I did accomplished my goals. However I didn't get to finish one of the two novels. I helped Tom with one of his novels and once that I noticed that he finished before I did. I think he was right that it was one of the triggers of my depression, because the last week of November it was extremely hard to push myself to work like I had weeks before. My mind didn't want to work or focus since the end of November. It was hard to finish my projects, but I manage to get to my goals even if I was dragging.

 

December, However, was hard. There were days I didn't get off the couch. I didn't answer the phone. TV was just a blur of color. Music didn't help me. I feel bad as there were some days that Tom had peanut-butter and jelly, because I was too depressed than to get up and make him something hot. I would sleep either 10-14 hours in a row or I would sleep for 5 hours up a few hours and then sleep for another 5 hours.

I tried getting out and shopping, but it didn't help. I was mentally fried and I couldn't get any clear thoughts out. I liked being over my mom's house better than the apartment, because at least I knew someone was cooking and cleaning. (Rich people would go a spa and get counseling over something like this. I normally get Winter Blues, but they usually are not until late February when I have been locked in the apartment too long. However this was far worst than any case of Winter Blues I have ever gotten. I felt I was losing myself. There have been good and bad day more bad lately than good.)

I tried dying my hair, making it funky color, bright red as Tom loves it and I was hoping that it would perk me up. However it didn't perk me up at all. I was just a depressed person with bright red hair.

Between December 14 and 28 was the worst of all it. I didn’t remember much of that week, but do know I didn't go to the wedding.

Tom got me to get out on Christmas and visit his family as he didn't want to go alone. However I think I would have had a better time if I was sleeping on the cold couch. Everyone was at everyone's throats over giving out our opinions on facebook. It's facebook, get the fuck over it!

To make things worst, I was depressed that my immune system was shot and I got sick. I had a horrible viral head cold, kidney infection and pain issues with my right ankle. I had to go to the hospital where I felt 4 out of 5 doctors and nurses felt I was melodramatic. I couldn't put pressure on my damn ankle and then they found a kidney infection. Those are more bills that I cannot pay, damn it!

 

It was about two weeks later, my ankle was doing better, but my cold was still holding on. Tom wanted B.O.L.T.s for dinner which were BLTs with onion. It was a starting out as a good day: Tom had gotten several loads of laundry done, we had most of the living room cleaned up, and I even had the dishes started without feeling like I had to force myself. I got dressed. I went to sign myself  out of the apartment and there was a new woman working the front desk. Most new girls will watch you sign, but they just shrug their shoulders and go back to their own business. However this girl (who was pregnant like that wasn't karma pushing my buttons) decided to get into my face about the rules: How he couldn't have any overnight visitors which makes no sense. (He's a grown man, a building system shouldn't tell anyone who can stay over and for how long. . . there has to be some kind of rights of his that they are breaking.)

She said she was just going to brush it off, but I was already worked up. I had no voice as it was. I didn't want to get Tom into trouble, because this hormonal woman wanted to be all high and mighty. I had gotten three compliments on my hair at the store, but I was so worked up that couldn't enjoy them. Normally, I would hold my tears, but this depression has made me not act or think like myself so I cried in the store.

She harassed Tom the next day when he was asking about package (which we never got by the way.) Anyway she made him feel like crap as she didn't brush it off, but she then started to tell him that he was only allowed to have visitors between 8am and 5pm. This is really shit. I am friends with one of the people that work at the front desk on the weekends and she said that is not one of the rules. After Tom got harassed from her, he doesn't want to go back. He doesn't feel like he or any of his guests are welcome in what he was supposed to be considered his home. I was also there, not just because I was his girlfriend, but that building is not meeting his disabled needs. The lights are not bright enough, and he needs someone there to help him cook and clean for him.  

 

So we stayed over my mom's house for while. I have no concept of time and my mind as much of it is a tangled ball, will not stop. I haven't had decent sleep since I got harassed over a week ago.

 

Then Sunday my father called under a restricted number and believing it was a friend of mine, I answered it. He gave me a guilt trip. Then he told me missed me at the wedding. Whatever.

I tried to explain my depression and he just threw this place that doesn't help anyone. They either give you drugs that make you more unbalanced or they talk for three days and then say your instantly cured as you end up back there just months later. I want to fix my problem, not just mask it.

If he wasn't snapping or giving me a guilt trip then there were moments of silence. That is not my father, he usually never shuts up. I just felt like he didn't care so why should I? I did not go to the wedding, because I didn't care. In fact, I would have liked to see my young brothers dance. I could barely get off the couch and it seemed not to phase him.

He kept trying to push his house. If he drops his house, he'll have no debt and he claimed he wanted no debt. He asked if we wanted the house. (I wouldn't mind the house, but I do NOT want what is with it, which his control over everything. I would rather have Tom and I struggle to get our own house than to have his house with his control.)

I miss my brothers. However I feel that it's going to be sometime before I see them.

What I don't miss is my father saying that he isn't going talk bad about people, but as long as he use a bible verse he thinks he could put them down. (I am not siding with my ex-stepmother, but there has to be somethings that my father did to push her to cheat.) I am not better than he is, but he is not better than me.

 

My depression/ rut feels like. . .

  • my ideas are a twisted, jumbled ball of yarn that even the cat will not play with.
  • My muses knew I wasn't right, that they left so fast that they left their clothes.
  • The office and meeting rooms in my head are completely trashed as if someone was trying to steal something.
  • My office and meeting rooms look like a circus went through it and only left many piles of crap.
  • I feel like I am a deflated balloon that is taped up so much that it sinks in a muddy puddle.
  • My brain have problems trying to comprehend how to finish the damn dishes.
  • Music doesn't allow me to feel good anymore. It just sounds like cold sounds blending together. I sing, but I don't truly feel the song. I am just living the emotions.
  • Sex feels like work, especially to get an orgasm. It drains me in the end.
  • Everyone drains me in the end.
  • Most of my dreams have even been stressful.
  • I cry really easy. Photo make me cry, especially of babies or cats. If I hear one more person is pregnant I am going to scream.
  • It takes days to myself into a shower. I feel blah even when I am clean.
  • Smells get to me even more.
  • People get on my nerves even faster. I cannot stand when people say or do stupid things.
  • My hair is greasy and in knots and I just don't care. (Normally my hair is my best physical quality.)
  • my body aches even more.
  • My immune system is working in over time.
  • I get paranoid faster. (I have had chest pains and headaches.)
  • I either sleep too little or too much.  
  •  
 
 
 
 
 
 
Front Page

Top Headlines: Hiding From the Drama


There has been a lot that has gone on.
September, we went to the zoo. It was bittersweet, because I saw only one my favorite animals. I saw the Loin and he kept turning his tail to the crowd. I didn't see to see the polar bears as they were working on the exhibit. The black and bears would walk back into the cave whenever I spoke. (True story.) I heard the tiger, but by the time we got to the exhibit they had to take the animals in. They got rid of the penguin exhibit, and I couldn't find an owls. It was still fun. Tom had never been to a zoo, so it was really cool to see his reaction.

I busted myself to find a nice dress, which ripped, because Tom's friend's dogs. Tom had to borrow clothes and now I think he likes to whole dress up thing. We did all of this because we arranged to go to my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary party. However in March I dyed my hair super bright red, and it faded with streaks of pink and didn't have money or time to redye it before the party.

So we get to the party and this what my grandmother said to me:
“Hi Becky, How are you? I hate your hair.” Then both of my grandparents seem to avoid me like the plague throughout the party. They didn't want me in anyone of the pictures with them. At the end of the night, the only words my grandfathers says to me were yelling me for the DJ, because he was taking things down and they were timed. (There is more but I will post this in section Soap Opera.)

 

Health News



I've been having weird dreams of my own death or miscarriages. I'm not sure why. I just know that it's been hard to sleep a straight 7 hours or more. It's been sleep 4 hours, up 3 hours and then sleep 4 again. I know this isn't good: I need to get some straight sleep.

I also haven't been into that many pictures lately, because I keep breaking out. I wash my face and it doesn't help. I wonder if it is stress.



Writing and Arts



I know in August I had a lot of goals for writing like the second set of 50 Posts. I haven't gotten to it, because LJ was giving me problems with loading my posts. (I will probably even have problems posting this one. However I had problems posting on wordpress account yesterday as well, so I am wondering if Internet Explorer 8 is giving me problems. However I just don't want to download IE 9 just yet. Actually, that is annoying on how it seems you have to update everything every other week, but that is a whole other blog.)





It is almost that time again. . . the time where I forget most of the world and work constantly on my writing projects. This time is known a NaNoWriMo. . . National Novel Writing Month. I'm excited as I have been waiting all year to lock myself up for several hours a day doing sprint after word sprint slowly allowing my story to come together.

I love it when my characters and my muses just agree, and I just allow the story to come to life. I appreciate my boyfriend being so patient with me during all of this and now this year he has idea and wants to work too. (Now I realized I will have to share the computer, so I will have to really schedule myself and use all the time I have with the computer very wisely.)

I am nervous and excited; I have to challenge myself to keep my writing with so many hours and I gave myself two projects. I am rebelling on both as I have already started writing on both, but I know I can get 50K on each project.



Project 1: Driving Lies, a thrilling novel I started last year about a murderer who kills off a family that ruined his life. I have about five chapters in Part 2 to finish and all of Part 3. However my outline from last year is so precise that I should be able to just dive into the deep end and start writing. (It started a movie script I wrote in high school.)



Project 2: The Crimson Shadow Collection: Melzela, is book one of seven in my vampire series. I have a huge story-line about a family of about 75 vampires. I feel you need to bring the horror, seduction, and the power back into the children of the night. (I have been working on this idea from the character sketches, outlines, and family trees since before the first Twilight movie has come out. I feel that NaNoWriMo is going to be that push to get at least one of the book finished. I wanted this book from page 1 to end on my computer before Dec 31, 2012 and if I play my cards right I will get it done a month early.)



Local Fun



We explored several haunted locations. Tom had to get out of the car and risk his life. If something ever happened to him; I will haunt him the rest of his afterlife.

We went to a cemetery that has a witch's ball which was supposed to be the opposite temperature as the weather. However I was disappointed, because it was cold outside and it was cold on the ball.

There was a local tunnel that was supposed to push your car in neutral. However he didn't honk and we weren't there at midnight. Tom got pictures, we believe with orbs in them.



I have been getting my writings together for NaNoWriMo; I'm finish up two projects, but I am trying to get 50k on both of them. My goal for NaNoWriMo is 100,000 words on two project wish me luck.



Tom and I are reading Anne Rice's book Pandora and I really like it so far. I just feel like the style is similar to my own.





Dear Me



Dear Me



Just say “Fuck it,” and enjoy life. If someone lectures you, say “Fuck it!” If someone yells at you for trying to help them, say “Fuck it!” If someone doesn't like you or won't accept you, say “Fuck it!” You are an awesome person and it's their lost.

Next month just focus on writing and enjoy what you do. Only you can make you happy!



Sincerely

Myself and I



Laughter is the best medicine

Humor is divided into three categorizes: Family, Halloween, and writing



Family



Mother: "Are you talking back to me?!"

Son: "Well yeah, that's kinda how communication works."

*****

Little Johnny came home from school and heard the word "b*tch." He asks his mom what the word meant and she responds, "It means priest." The next day little Johnny comes home and hears the word "sh*t" and asks his dad what it means. His dad answers, "It means food on the table." At school, he hears the word "f*cking" and asks his mom what it means. She responds, "It means getting ready." The next day a priest came over for dinner and little Johnny opened the door and says, "Hey son of a b*tch. There's sh*t on the table and my parents are upstairs f*cking!"





Halloween





Costume Party



A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.



The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.



She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.



She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.



Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.



She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."



Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"



He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!"



Writing



A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.



She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.



“Oh my,” said the writer. “Let me see heaven now.”



A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes.



“Wait a minute,” said the writer. “This is just as bad as hell!”



“Oh no, it’s not,” replied an unseen voice. “Here, your work gets published.”

*****

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.



When asked to define "Great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"



He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

****

A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks.



“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove was on fire. It went up in second. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is…”



“Wait, wait. Back up a minute,” The man says. “My agent called?”





Soap Operas



There is so much going on with my father's side of the family, so much that if one more thing goes wrong, I dropping everyone. First of all, someone hacked into my brother's facebook and posted that he was gay. (He is one of the straightest guys I know. He just needs to clean up and get his life together before he can get a girl. He has my mother's emotional laziness and fear when it comes to searching for love.) My grandparents read this fake announcement on facebook, it freaked them out so they didn't invite him to the party. That was just really douchy and then my father had to hear lectures on why my deleted his account instead or correct the statement. A few people asked about him and there was no mention about the hacked comment. (In fact, he's on a double date now and I hope it works out for both my brother and his friend.)

Then the day after the party my father went to lunch over my grandparents' house. I didn't get invited. My grandmother complained about my hair to my father who then chewed me out on the phone and then pinned me into being in his wedding. (So now I am playing the avoiding game with him on purpose.)



Oh the family issues, my father is barely divorced over a year, had barely any time by himself, and now is getting married to someone he just met in February. She has my exact first and second name which is really weird. (It feels like I am the dying dog being replaced before I am completely dead.) She is super nice, which can go one of two ways: 1. she is sincere and always get walked over or 2. She has an agenda and is nice because she wants something. (I'm not exactly sure which it yet.)

They are getting married on Dec 22nd, and she has no idea what she getting into with his controlling issues and horrible temper. (It's not my place to warn her, none of his previous wives were warned.) He says he is calm around her, but I believe that will wear off. (My mom said he was calm around her as well at the beginning.) Well, this is in the middle of everything: I have my 30th birthday, Christmas cookies, shopping, Christmas stuff etc. He pressured me into being the wedding and now I am trying to find a dress in my size, in the color “blush” that doesn't make me look pregnant. (I'm not pregnant, but many dresses show my stomach and make me look pregnant. I hate dressing up!)

Normally, I would swallow my bitterness and just help out changing my schedule, but my father is running on two strikes. (He keeps making issues about my hair color, and making me feel like I don't belong in the family as long as my hair is off blond with pink streaks. Then he yells at me when I didn't pick on my cellphone, but I didn't hear it because I was at a Brown's game. Then he keeps beating around the bush with his house. . . I'm to the point if he does one more thing to make me stressed, then I am dropping him. . . temporary or permeate it depends on the circumstances.)



On my mom's side of the family, not much is going on. Mom is actually trying to read through my novel The Whispering Path. Her neighbor said it will be the winter project to read through my book since her backyard is the picture for the cover.



That's it I'm done helping people. I try to help someone, because I didn't want them getting into a situation where they break the rules and actually try to win it the right way . . . and I get chewed out. Then she wanted me to apologize, because she think everyone else is cheating like she is; however, if they were they are not stupid enough to admit it. Normally I don't let this get to me, I would just drop the person off my friend list, but I know if I did then she would make a huge deal about it and we are in a few of the same groups. I also think it's because my nerves are still fried over my family issues. I think she'll just be a victim in one of my books. You know the saying for a writer: “Don't piss me off, or you'll end up in one of my books.” The thing is I write horror and I'm currently working on a vampire novel.



Spiritual Edge



I have two things I've been thinking about Samhain is less than a week away for most people it's just Halloween. However my boyfriend and I it means a lot more, spiritually.



Things that have happened this year



Negative things

1. I know at least seven people who were pregnant and my biological clock kept going off. I feel it's under control as long as I am writing and keeping busy.

2. My cat Mona had died.

3. My brother lost his SS money, because of some transportation problems getting to his doctor.

4. I've had serious depression.

5. My father is losing his house.

6. My mother is have financial issues.

7. Tom found out he has no credit, which is worst than bad credit. It's really hard to buy a house with no credit.

8. We've had at least three major computer viruses and I had to clean out our computer several times over. We still have no sound on our computer.

9. I feel like I am not accepted on my father's side of the family over something as superficial as hair.

10. I felt pressured to be in my father's wedding, but I felt he just ruined my 30th birthday.



Positive things

1. My father found someone special.

2. My brother has supportive friends.

3. I was able to give a cuddly cat a good home. My mom kept Tom's cousin cat Leo and everyone loves him.

4. I published my first novel: The Whispering Path.

5. I look awesome in fire red hair.

6. I've gotten creative in the kitchen.

7. I felt I have been pretty productive.

8. Tom got me new journals and I almost half way through the first one.

9. My mom and her neighbor are both reading my novel.

10. I have fans that enjoy my novel.



I also had gotten a very positive reading about my writing the other day by Kris Austen Radcliff (author and Tarot reader). https://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=280512332068342&set=t.100001196959717&type=3&theater

(I will post in a separate blog.)





I did a general Tarot reading from my Quest deck for next year and this what it said.



1. Situation: 5 of cups: I felt as if the world is crumbling around me. I don't feel any support in friends. I also feel that everyone seems to any of my plans.



2. Influence/Obstacle: 7 of cups: I am day-dreaming too much trying to avoid my stressful life. It makes it hard to see or face reality.



3. Foundation: 8 of cups (reversed): If I stay focused, I can find me at the right at the right time.



4. Past: Son of Swords: I try to be honest and fair when dealing with everything. I've learned most people can't handle honesty and I get burned and used when treating people fairly.



5 Present: Ace of Cups (reversed): I am frustrated, depressed and unhappy at certain things in my life. (If you read this blog, you see this is true.)



6. Future events: Emperor: If I want to achieve something, I have the power to start it and finish it. I could even make profit off it: I have the power!



7. Attitude: 3 of Swords: I am depressed and mourning. Things feel dreary and I have to fight for my feelings.



8. Environment: Hierophant: There is much tradition going on around me, weddings. However it doesn't matter if it crazy or outdated, it will still happen.



9. Hope/fear: 8 of Swords (reversed): I wish people in my life would just let me be who I am and what I want to do. I want to be free and think for myself.



10. Outcome: 3 of Cups: I need to communicate and get support. I also need to watch not to over indulge.



It reminded me of a dream I had where all of my family had died and then I won the lottery, but then I realized I had no one to share it with. I just feel like I can't even look at the cake, whether or not have it and eat it too. I believe I will be successful in my writing, but family life will be Hell.







Rebekah’s News © October 2012
 
 
 
 
 
 

Front Page

Top Headlines: Summer ends and I am focus on the last third of the year.

I can't wait for fall. I love the cool weather and the leaves changing. I will buy more notebooks and pens at discount price. (I can never have enough of those.)

There many things I am looking forward to this fall.

  1. The surprise in September: There is a lot of walking, and I cannot take a back pack, but I am going to want to pack a lunch. (I haven't packed a lunch since I was in school.)
  2. My grandparents are having the 50th wedding anniversary in September. I'm really excited about that. It's a fancy party and Tom can wear is ties he got for 75% off from JC Penny's.
  3. In October Tom and I are going to Brown game versus the Bengals. (All Ohio.) It's really cool, because I have never been to the stadium before.
  4. I also plan to practice writing in September and October working on the second set of the 50 posts (51-100) and work more on my experience project site. http://www.experienceproject.com/profile.php (Rebekahwriter13)
  5. http://50-posts.livejournal.com/ (Rebekah1213)
  6. In November, I plan to finish my murder thriller novel call “Driving Lies” in NaNoWriMo.

Health News

I went to the hospital a few weeks ago and I got antibiotics that gave me migraines and a temporary allergy to the sun.

Now I have a rash from my meds. . . it never ends.


Writing and Arts


Well, I have had writer's block since June, so most of the time all the writing I have been doing has been in my diary. I have been working on my vampire novel series, bit it's mostly details and research.

During the entire month of August, I decided to post my e-novel “The Whispering Path” for on smashwords.com. I have over 100 downloads, but not one review. I understand it looks long, but is only, because I have it in 12 font. I did have one interview and two spotlights this month.

They are all linked together on my writing blog:

http://rebekahwolveire.wordpress.com/2012/08/26/thewhisperingpath/




Local Fun


Tom and I went to the corn festival. It was nice, the fireworks were awesome, and the food was good, but I would have better enjoyed it if I wasn't sick to my stomach. However I was disappointed with the palm reading; it was one of the main reason I wanted to go. (In years past she was great, but this year I just felt like she was stating vague things and was trying to be all secretive to get me to come in and pay for full price reading. First of all, if I am paying you at all, I would like to know something that I don't know about myself. Secondly I learned more about a numerology book that my mom rented at the library that weekend than the reading I got. Thirdly, yes that palm reader is good, but 45 dollars even with a 15% discount is too high for a full palm reading. I mean with a reading like that you would have to give me the winning lottery numbers and what direction I need to go.)

Tom felt she was going to say that I should break up with him, but I doubt since she told him that we were soul mates. I do feel she is going to tell me that I need to drop certain people from my life. (Even my dreams are stating that now; it's a long story.)


September, Tom has a huge surprise planned for us. He keep rubbing it in. I'm curious, but I just need to let it go: I think it's either the zoo or an amusement park.



Dear Me


Dear Me,


Remember even writing in your journal is considered writing. :-) Happy Writing!


Sincerely


Myself and I



Laughter is the best medicine


God is the topic


One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, "There are no fish down there."


He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."


He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."


He looked up into the sky and asked, "God, is that you?"


"No, you idiot," the voice said, "it's the rink manager."



The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."


Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

The Pope arrives in heaven, where St. Peter awaites him. St. Peter asks who he is.


The Pope: "I am the pope."


St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."


The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."


St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."


The Pope: "But I am the leader of the Catholic Church ..."


St. Peter: "The Catholic church ... Never heard of it ... Wait, I'll check with the boss."


St. Peter walks away through Heaven's Gate to talk with God.


St. Peter: "There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth."


God: "I don't have a representative on earth, not that I know of ... Wait, I'll ask Jesus." (yells for Jesus)


Jesus: "Yes father, what's up?"


God and St. Peter explain the situation.


Jesus: "Wait, I'll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow."


Ten minutes pass and Jesus reenters the room laughing out loud. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he's laughing.


Jesus: "Remember that fishing club I've started 2000 years ago? It still exists!"

http://jokes4all.net/gods:5.html


In The Beginning


In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth. And the Earth

was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.


And Satan said, "It doesn't get any better than this."


And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light.


And God said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed,

and the fruit tree yielding fruit," and God saw that it was good.


And Satan said, "There goes the neighborhood."


And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and let

them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the

air and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping

thing that creepeth upon the Earth." And so God created Man in his own

image; male and female created he them. And God looked upon Man and

Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.


And Satan said, "I know how I can get back in this game."


And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach,

green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live

long and healthy lives.


And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent

double cheeseburger.


And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?"


And Man said, "Supersize them." And Man gained 5 pounds.

And God created the healthful yoghurt, that woman might keep her

figure that man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained 5 pounds.


And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."


And Satan brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds.


And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil

with which to cook them."


And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own

platter.


And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.


And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra

pounds.


And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not

have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2.


And Man gained another 20 pounds.


And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil." And God brought

forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with

nutrition.


And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center

into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also.


And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in

cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, "It is good."


And Man went into cardiac arrest.


And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.


And Satan created HMO's.

http://www.digitaldreamdoor.com/pages/quotes/God_jokes.html


The teacher asks the class to write a short composition dealing with four major subjects: religion, nobility, sex and mystery.

In a flash, Anna 's hand shoots up. Amazed at the rapid response, the teacher asks her to read her piece out loud.


"'Oh my God!' exclaimed the countess, 'I'm pregnant, and I don't know by whom.'"

http://www.psychic-jokes.com/ReligionGodJokes.html



Soap Operas


Fun, I saw this very sarcastically, I had to reinstall everything on my computer and I lost a few of my writings and several weeks of my Sim game. (That is my fault for not saving on a flash drive fast enough.)

I don't know who makes viruses, malware, or spamming issues, but I truly hope Karma kicks you in the ass. I wouldn't wish a virus on anyone's computer. It seems we were getting virus after virus over the summer. I felt like I was fixing my computer all summer and then bam. . . I got the horrible blue screen of death. (It wouldn't even let me go into safe mode to fix the problem by file after file.)

I had to completely restart everything and then get the drivers for my modem, and upgrade my explorer and graphic driver. I still have no sound as it claims we have no sound card. (For that I have to open my computer up, look up the numbers and google the name and number for the current driver.)

Again, I hope those who make viruses, try to passwords and number with spamming, may Karma find you and do it's worst.

(I was going to put this under fun, but it was more drama than anything, because I was depress for several days, before I could get the drivers, because I couldn't go out being temporary allergic to the damn sun.)

However in the end, we believe it was one of the retro gaming sites Tom was going on. It made me sad, because he enjoy playing those games and we can never find an emulator that really works.


My dad brought over awesome fruit, fresh peaches (the kind that drips down my elbow), watermelon, tomatoes.

However I just found out that my Grandma had breast cancer that spread to her lymph nodes.

Tom also found that his grandpa has colon cancer.

Please send some healing vibes. . . positive vibes.


Spiritual Edge


This month has a blue moon (on Friday August 31st.)


For most people, it just means things get crazy twice in one month.


However for Pagans and anyone who believes in the power of the moon, it means a powerful time of seeking wishes and believing in the impossible. It kind of goes in the phrase “Once in a Blue Moon.”


Blue moons come just about every three years and every 9 years there are two blue moons in the same year. (Next year with two blue moons is 2018.)


http://www.blue-moon-manor.com/moon/moon-phases.html

http://www.infoplease.com/spot/bluemoon1.html


Spiritually, Blue moons are good for success, luck, growth, expression, new ideas, wishes, openness, and new beginnings.


This blue moon is in Pisces so it's about dreams, clairvoyance, telling the future (prophetic powers.) etc. It is also good for making goals, and mediation. I believe reading tarot would also be good on the blue moon (at least this one anyway.)



Rebekah’s News © August 2012




 
 
 
 
 
 

Front Page

 

Top Headlines: Muse saw it shadow and went on vacation 6 weeks of writer’s block and counting

 

I was just really burnt out after editing “The Whispering Path.” It was 772 pages 6x9 in large font, and 180K words. I didn’t realize that editing was that draining: it took me March to May to get the 3rd edit completed I feel like muse needed a vacation. (It has even taken me several days to write this blog.)
I just feel like I am not professional enough. (I enjoyed the facebook writing groups, but even lately I just feel like I am not professional enough to fit in. I understand that a book is considered a product, but I feel like my book like a project a student does the night before knowing they had six weeks to do it. However I had worked on this book for over two years.)

I am just wondering if my depression is caused my burnt brain or if my burnt brain is caused by my depression.

 

Health News

 

I’m really getting sick of my biological clock going nuts. I think there may be only 10 percent of the female population (that I know), that isn’t pregnant or doesn’t have kids. So that means 90 percent are talking about pregnancy and their kids and posting pictures. It feels like a punch in the gut every time they do.

My biological was going so crazy that I was dreaming about babies, kittens and other things that mean “pregnancy” in the dream world.

 

I took several online depression tests and they all say at least moderate depression. I think my biological clock and hormones are causing my depression. The only thing I enjoy doing right is playing the Sims.

 

 

Writing and Arts

 

  • I haven’t written anything in weeks and I feel unproductive. However it him yesterday: if I am not writing, then I should be reading. Tom and I are almost finished with Memnoch the Devil by Anne Rice, and then we are going to start The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger by Stephen King. I’m also reading The Fool’s Journey by Kay Darling.
  • I am hoping to be spotlighting on a FB friend’s blog next month.
  • I couldn’t get my kindle version to work correctly on facebook, but I was able to post it on smash words. http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/207547
  • I’m also getting an interview for my book on another website from a friend I know through experience project.

 

Local Fun

 

I been playing Sims 2 on my computer I have many house and over 224 characters in my neighborhood.

 

Tom and I are reading and we almost finished with Memnoch the Devil by Anne Rice, and then we are going to start The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger by Stephen King. I’m also reading The Fool’s Journey by Kay Darling.

 

I know I told myself I wouldn’t get into it, but I am currently into the show Supernatural. I also got my younger brothers into the show as well. I am a Dean fan all of the way. They are both very good looking, but Dean just tells it how it is.

 

 

Dear Me

 

Dear Me,

You will have baby when you do, meanwhile, enjoy your own time and sleep.  Enjoy reading with Tom, all of the time you write, play Sims. Laugh and have fun.

Life will come, but meanwhile enjoy the adventure you’re on now even if it just hanging out in the apartment. . . enjoy the A/C!

 

Sincerely

Yourself and I

 

Laughter is the best medicine

 

This month’s subject: depression and therapy

 

 

Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.

*****

 

In a psychiatrist's waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other, "Why are you here?"

The second answers, "I'm Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here."

The first is curious and asks, "How do you know that you're Napoleon?"

The second responds, "God told me I was."

At this point, a patient on the other side of the room shouts, "NO I DIDN'T!"

*****

 

Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a cat.

How long has this been going on?

Oh, since I was a kitten!

*****

 

Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world, where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says the treatment is simple. The great clown Terrifini is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up. Man bursts into tears: "But doctor . . . I am Terrifini."

*****

 

When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the physiatrist began his therapy session, "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."

"Of course." replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."

 

 

Soap Operas

 

A friend of ours, his girlfriend just had their baby two months early and she only weight just under 3 pounds. She was healthy at first, then got pneumonia and has some heart problems and now she is doing better. I just hope she gain some weight so she is strong when they take her home.

 

There is a piece of me that is glad I don’t have a kid with Tom as I don’t have to deal with his mother. (I’ve had dreams that I was pregnant and his mother denied everything, calling me slut and claiming I was cheating on Tom. I have been faithful for 5 years now.) Anyway she is still stuck on her dead granddaughter, I understand we still need to remember the dead, but it’s been almost two years and she still has alive and very cute granddaughter who would like some attention as well. She is pushing her sons away and in the end she is going to be wondering why she is alone.

 

My brothers’ and I believe my father is moving too fast with his new girlfriend. They have been together only 6 months and they are talking wedding. (She has my name first and middle. . . weird huh?) (Tom and I have been together just under 5 years and we both agree we like it like this, no wedding or marriage. We don’t need vows or a piece of paper to tell anyone we love each other, we just know.)

My brothers have been going to camps all summers and then in August, they get to see their mother. So I probably won’t see them until September.

My mom hasn’t found a job, and I hope she finds one soon. I think she had given up and there is a part of her that doesn’t want one: she wants to play games at the library.

My brother has been falling down more, without alcohol, which really worries me.

My uncle has gotten older and grumpier day by day; even Tom has noticed it. The grumpier he gets, the more he tries to tear down everyone else’s hopes and dreams.

 

Spiritual Edge

I believe that the dream world can be very spiritual. I believe they are telling things that can’t always admit in the real world.

 

Some things I have been dreaming about

Puppies

Kittens

Being Pregnant

Holding a baby

Stairs

Hospitals

Schools

Bed

Family fighting

 

They all basically mean I want to advance or move on. . . subconsciously I am ready for the next level of life. I also want a baby.

 

http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/

 

http://www.mythsdreamssymbols.com/

 

 

Rebekah’s News © July 2012

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 

"It is finished." (No this post isn't religious, the line just worked.) 

I thought I would feel amazed, relieved, happy, and ecstatic that I got my book: that I was able to see something that I struggled with and accomplished. However I sit here and I feel like a summer day after a hot rain and that did nothing, but make it more humid. I know I am fried, depressed, and just exhausted. I got my book printed and sent back to me with over two weeks to spare.

“The Whispering Path” was 776 pages (6x9 large print); it was much bigger than I had planned. Tom says it is the unabridged edition. (My fourth edit: the first entire part is getting taken out as I realized looking back; it wasn’t much to the story line.)  

I have it on amazon.com for 16.99 for the paperback. I plan to get the kindle version working soon.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Whispering-Path-Rebekah-Wolveire/dp/1463674309/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1339829653&sr=8-1&keywords=the+whispering+path

 

I am just curious why I am not happy about this. I feel like I am sitting in a valley and I cannot get out.

 

Bitter Sweet

Rebekah © June 2012

 

Sitting in a valley

With the humid rain

Tear pouring

Recycled pain

 

All is complete

But nothing is done

Battles are fought

But nothing was won

 

Fighting with myself

Searching for release

Mojo is gone

There is no relieve

 

Happiness is far away

Hope is distant

Sadness replays

Greif is instant

 

Accomplishment in front of me

But I am blind

World strikes again

But I am still kind

Children’s laughter

Mocks my ears

I am barren

With only tears

 

Sitting here alone

In my own defeat

It completed

So it is all just bitter sweet.

 
 
 
 
 
 

Front Page

 

Top Headlines: Sighs: Another Sunny Day and I can’t play

 

Between a few days I’ve been depressed (hormonal), a stomach virus, my sprained ankle, and my editing: I haven’t gotten many days to enjoy the sun.

 

The past few days I have enjoyed the small walks to the store. I was excited to see Family Dollar have Pepsi products on sale 88 cents a piece. I have noticed that the weather has been between 60-70’s and barely any clouds in the sky. I just wish I could enjoy that weather a bit more.

 

 

Health News

 

Last Friday (May 11th) I sprained my ankle. I rested all of Saturday and most of Sunday as it was a pain. Sunday, Tom had a horrible stomach virus, but not as bad has his mother. On Monday we got a call from his aunt and Tom hung out with his mother for a few days while she was in and out of the hospital with stomach issues.

Monday and Tuesday night I was fighting stomach issues and I was dealing with a very sore foot.  I thought it was better on Monday morning and I over-did it.

I’m finally doing better with my foot. My stomach is acting weird: I keep getting queasy after eating. Tea is the only thing that can settle my stomach.

 

I tried taking some B12 as I heard it helps digestion, but it gave me nose bleeds.  I stopped as I have clotting problems and I don’t need to cause anymore problems with my blood.

 

Writing and Arts

 

I currently have four chapters (about 30-40 pages) left of editing “The Whispering Path.” I have to buy a proof for Tom, but this time I want to make sure he gets the credit for taking the picture of my neighbor’s yard. I also want to give my neighbor credit for using her yard. Then I have to get another proof my way of all of the changes I made. Then I get my five free copies: one I give my mom and another one to my neighbor. I am still debating on telling my father’s family about it. (It’s paranormal and they are religious.) Then I will have three copies left.

I want really want to get published by a mainstream publisher, but I need to find a good agent/editor and find away to pay them or do all of the work myself. Next month I think I will post on Amazon.com. . . I need to look into what kind of rights they have and how you get paid. (I basically want to know if I can take my book off amazon, if I get a mainstream publisher.)

 

 

I am planning on participating in Camp NaNo (www.campnano.org) in June. (They have two one in June and one in August, but I can’t do August since I have so many other things going on in that month like Tom’s birthday.)
I am what they call rebelling which means I doing something I already started instead of starting a new project. I am using Camp NaNo to finish getting my first vampire novel (1 of 7, possibly 8). I am also working several other short stories that I really want to finish.


Darken Cake (A parable for an ex that I meant to finish in 2007
CSC Book 1 Melzela (My first vampire book)
There are a many short stories I want to finish I will post the list later.

 

I am not as devoted to Camp NaNo as I am with NaNoWriMo, because it’s summer and if I have friends that want to go out or I get a chance to enjoy the summer, I am taking it. I do hope that I get to 50k. It would be nice, but this is just to motivate me to get my vampire story on the computer.

 

 

Local Fun

 

I have been playing Sims 3 on Xbox 360 and editing my book. I also addicted to my group and a few games in facebook (Words with Friends and Sims Social). I also like an anime game called MyCandylove.com: It’s great except you only get 10-15 action points each day and each action uses two points.

The current shows that I enjoy watching: Big Bang Theory, The Next Food Network Star, Family Guy, Simpsons, South Park, Hercules and Seaquest (on Netflix).

I finally got to watch the anime series called Rosario and the Vampire. I have only wanted to watch it for about two years. It was cute, but I am not sure why it just stopped. I guess the second season it kind of pushed a few of the episodes.

 

Dear Me

 

Dear Me

 

I’m sorry, stupid people are everywhere. You can either do your own thing or become them.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Enjoy every moment you can.

Just a few quick notes; now get back to editing; you have a dealine.

 

Sincerely

Myself and I

 

Laughter is the best medicine

 

This month’s theme is stupid people.

 

Can people really be this stupid?

1. Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that I could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

2. I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

3. A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

4. I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

5. Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

6. I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

7. My neighbour works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

8. Police in Radnor, PA, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

9. A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency.

 

http://www.lotsofjokes.com/stupid_people.asp

 

 

Soap Operas

 

I get to see my mom next week, because Tom wants to fast (food) for about fours days for spiritual purposes. We just got off a bad virus and it really worries me. I just hope he gets spiritual stronger and still stays strong and healthy. (Now I have a few things I need to do tonight: pick up and sweep the living room, clean the kitchen and bathroom and get stuff ready for mom’s. I made him emergency kits with an energy bar, fiber bar and a powerade.)

After dealing with his family, I understand why he needs some solo time and a spiritual cleansing. They con him to go to the hospital with his mother while they stayed. . . I don’t get that if they stayed then why did they need Tom? I have given up on trying to analyze his family.

As for my family my mother’s side has been very predictable. I haven’t seen my father or brothers, because Tom and I were sick.

As for friends, it seems they only want to visit when we are busy and I have noticed when I say we are sick, they will not be around for weeks. So all of the drama I have current has just been in my novels. (I really kind of like it that way.)

Actually I had a bit of drama, our neighbor knocked on our door the other day and she asked for some pepper and butter. I grew up being taught to help others in need, especially if you have extra, so I gave her some ground pepper and butter. She talked to me for about 20 minutes: telling all kinds of things: one that she was “God-fearing” and two she was diabetic. (However Tom has tainted my good deeds with the saying “No good deed goes unpunished.) It was Thursday night she goes banging on our door drunk. She claimed I broke her door: first of all she couldn’t find her key around her neck, secondly she couldn’t see straight enough to get the key in the lock, and thirdly she shouldn’t be drinking if she diabetic as alcohol acts like sugar in the body. I hope to God, she doesn’t come knocking on our door ever. I am not helping someone who causing their own problems.

 

Spiritual Edge

 

This is the time for spring cleaning: our home, hearts, body and minds. (With Tom’s spiritual ritual next week and my spiritual cleansing next month for the summer solstice.)

 

I thought I would give a few cleansing so we can all feel refresh. I believe that it doesn’t matter what religion you are every religion has some kind of way of getting rid of bad things and starting new.

 

There is a simple ritual I have read about in several places: when you clean you put on positive music and think positive thoughts. I have heard that you wash your windows and doors and simply state: “all drama stay outside of my house and my life.” It works for a while; you usually have to repeat throughout the year to keep it up.

 

I have heard that Chakra mediations. I have an old blog with chakra mediation: http://rebekah1213.livejournal.com/156602.html

 

I write down everything: wants, worries, hopes, dreams, things I am grateful for, venting etc and then I destroy it all.  

 

Some websites that might help

http://thehealthylivinglounge.com/2010/07/26/a-simple-guide-to-cleansing-the-energy-in-your-home/

 

http://thehealthylivinglounge.com/2010/01/15/let-go-of-your-emotional-clutter/

 

http://ambrosiasrealms.tripod.com/cleansing.htm

 

http://rosechloris.blogspot.com/2010/02/simple-cleansing-ritual.html

 
 
 
 
 
 

Front Page

 

Top Headlines: Another Inspection: Spring Cleaning here I come. . .

 

I am picking a room per day:

Yesterday was the back bedroom. I put away the clean clothes, organized the sheets, and picked up the floor. (Tom is to sweep and mop.)

Today is the living room. I really need to dust, clean off the tables; put away my extra books, put away the art supplies, and organize the computer and bookshelf. (Tom is to sweep and mop.)

Tomorrow is the bathroom and apart of the kitchen. I need to pick up the floor, organize the shelves, and sweep and mop. I need make sure all of the dishes are done, clean the fry-daddy, and clean out the fridge.

Thursday is the rest of the kitchen. I need to clean the oven and scrub the stove. I also need to organize the shelves. I need to disinfect the counters, sweep and mop.

 

I also have to edit 2 ½ chapters by Friday, I just hope I have the energy and focus. 

 

 

The apartment is clean except for the groceries in boxes or cans that I need to put away.

 

I just don’t understand why I am so distracted; I just cannot focus.

 

 

Health News

 

I’m dealing well health-wise, except for pollen being in the air. Between the pollen and the dusting I am doing, my sinuses are acting up and I have to take my Aleve D: Cold and Sinus just to breathe. I just hope my health holds up this well as long as it can.

 

We also are starting to take extra B12, since once and while I have to take antacids for bad heartburn. Here are some interesting facts on B12: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitamin_B12

 

Writing and Arts

 

 I’m currently in a clean and edit mode so it’s hard to pull creative title out of that. Anyway, writing updates: I have gotten through 12 ½ out of 15 chapters on part 3. I hope to finish this part by Friday, so I am really trying my best to focus. I also hope to finish Part 4 by May 20th. I really need to twist some scene and add on Part 4. I want to have it ready for creative space by May 30th and post it on amazon.com as an e-mail by June 21st. (Because I have buy two proofs before I can get my five copies.)

 

I have a list of other projects I’ve want to work on/finish before Dec 31, 2012, so I will always stay busy.  (I will post the list later.)

 

I have a few issues that have just been gnawing at me.

First one, sprinting, I don’t know if it is just because people aren’t using the group anymore or if a certain people aren’t taking it as seriously as others. I just feel like sprinting is more of a work than fun anymore; it’s more work finding people. I can sprint by myself, but it is just not the same.

The other thing is that I am really discouraged. They had set up a writing chat on Sunday and I decided to go. They discussed a writer’s bio and intro as well how important editing is. If a reader can’t understand what is being read, then there is no point of writing it. However I cannot afford a professional editor and I can’t really get a job in my situation. (I have boyfriend who is disabled and I have spleen health issue in which I cannot lift over 20 pounds without serious pain.) The thing that really discouraged me was that when I went to the online conference, they made it seem that anyone who was determined enough could write, publish, and make money writing a novel. However what they didn’t say was anyone who was determined and had money to help polish and publish the book. I feel like I am hitting a glass ceiling. I have nothing against self-publishing, but I have always dreamt of being main-stream published. How do I do that? (I mean if at one point J.K. Rowling was homeless and then was able to be successful, then why can’t I?)

 

Something that I really need from writing buddies and my writing groups is how to deal with rejection instead of stating the obvious that money make money.

 

 

I am one chapter away from finishing Part 3 and then I have a lot of adding and tweaking to part 4. I hope to have the entire thing finished by May 20th. I am hoping to deal with one chapter per day.

 

I also have a list of pieces and novels I want to work on and/or finish this year. I will post the list on my writing blog http://RebekahWolveire.wordpress.com

 

 

Local Fun

 

Sunday, we are going to watch yet another pay-perview. However WWE storylines have seriously gone down.

I have been distracted by Sims 3: Pets. I have one family who I had just made simply to complete challenges and now I have three different games, going in three different directions with this family. (In two of the games the dog is lost :-/)

 

The WWE PPV was pretty good, C.M. Punk did this awesome leap off of the rope onto Jericho that I didn’t think would have been successful. A very bloody Cena did manage to beat Lesnar which was awesome. I am pissed that Lesnar broke Triple H’s arm and I hope they fire the monster for that. I would have had more on the wrestling, but I was sleepy and I didn’t have my notebook.

 

I really want to finish my writing, so I feel I am going to push that more this month. However I got to go shopping and I had a good time. Tom also bought some Phase 10 cards, and I love that game, even thought I barely ever win.

My computer is finally allowing me to play “Words with Friends” again; we were having problems with flash, but seems to work slow, but it is working now.

 

Dear Me

 

Dear Me

You are a good person. You are helper. You are a pretty young woman. You are a supportive girlfriend. You are a good sister and encouraging friend. You have a beautiful voice. You are an awesome story-teller and you will be a successful writer. You will be successful and you will make your dreams come true. BELIEVE IT!

 

Sincerely

Myself and I

 

Laughter is the best medicine

 

Some of my favorite pieces of funny flair:

 

  • I’m a writer; fear me, because you might end up in my story.
  • I reject your reality and replace it with my own.
  • Write Naked/Nude!
  • Words: a writer lethal weapon!
  • My villain can beat your villain!
  • Stupid book; I need to sleep, but I can’t stop writing.
  • Pencil-Check; Paper-Check; Caffeine-Check; Plot-Oops.
  • Yes, I am a writer, and yes I do have a real life.
  • I stopped fighting with my inner demons; we’re on the same side now.
  • Today I will be happier than a bird with a French fry.
  • I’m not weird: I’m a limited edition.
  • I’ve always wanted to spin around in a chair and say “I’ve been expecting you.”
  • Think: it’s not illegal yet.
  • I never shut up!
  • “Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty, Little Ball of Fur”
  • I’m smiling: that alone should scare you.
  • Say no to drug; but yes to tacos.
  • If you can not be a good example, then be a warning.
  • Just give me chocolate and nobody gets hurt.
  • If I am quiet then I am probably just plotting.
  • I’m not evil, I’m just good with a twist.
  • Automatic doors make me feel like a JEDI.
  • AWW! THAT IS SO CUTE! You actually think I care.
  • HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... No.
  • If you met my family, you'd understand.
  • HAHA. Wait, what?
  • We're so cool ice cubes are jealous.

 



 

Soap Operas

 

There hasn’t been much that has gone on, but then again, I have talked much on the phone and I have been hiding away. I really like keeping my conflicts and drama in my novels and stories.

 

 

I visited my mom yesterday and the visit was hot, but nice. It just seems that I had to pick the only few days that it hit the high 80’s to visit my mom without A/C.

We celebrated my uncle’s birthday early: we had cake and played Phase 10.  We went shopping and we got groceries and clothes. (I got two shirts and shorts that look way too long on me, because I am short.)

 

Anyway my father keeps asking about my brother and my brother asked about my dad . . . grr, they need to get over themselves and talk to each other. I am NOT their middleman.

Speaking of middle man, I feel my brothers are in the middle of my nosy father and bitter ex-stepmother. My warped ex-stepmother is being coached into twisting the entire situation to make it sound like she was the victim; however, I read all of the transcripts: she was clearly seeking attention, intimacy from other sources as well as talking about my father behind his back. My father is still very hurt and angry and he keeps questioning the boys on their conversations with their mother. (I think he is seriously paranoid.) I think they should both do counseling, and be honest with themselves.

 

Spiritual Edge

 

Music, to me, is one of the most powerful things. Music takes me to places I can mentally describe; they get me through everything. Here are some lyrics to some of my favorite songs:

 

"A Song to Sing" By Hanson

Goodbye four leaf clovers.

Hello gone awry

Don't cry the fight ain't over

Unless you let it pass you by

 

I've never been this

Longing for your lovin'

I've never been so

Wearin' down to nothin'

I've never been just

Looking for a reason.

So maybe you've been thinkin'

Blue yonder dreams

And second hand shoes

You're so far gone,

That you're left to lose.

It's too late to go home

All alone.

Your the tar in that

Old cigar

And the worn out cable

On a cable car - and,

You're too tired to admit

You've gotta choose.

 

I'm looking for a song to sing,

Looking for a friend to borrow.

I'm looking for my radio.

So I might find a heart to follow.

 

Don't Wander Through This Glassy Surface

Expecting To Find More Than Me

'cause What Am I Without A Purpose

But A Lone Mirage To See

 

 

"Weird" By Hanson

Isn't it weird. Isn't it strange.

Even though we're just two strangers on this runaway train

We're both trying to find a place in the sun

We've lived in the shadows, but doesn't everyone

Isn't it strange how we all feel a little bit weird sometimes

Isn't it hard. Standing in the rain.

You're on the verge of going crazy and your heart's in pain

No one can hear though you're screaming so loud

You feel all alone in a faceless crowd

Isn't it strange how we all get a little bit weird sometimes.

Sitting on the side waiting for a sign, hoping that my luck will change.

Reaching for a hand that can understand, someone who feels the same.

When you live in a cookie cutter world being different is a sin.

So you don't stand out. But you don't fit in. Weird.

Sitting on the side waiting for a sign, hoping that my luck will change.

Reaching for a hand that can understand, someone who feels the same.

When you live in a cookie cutter world if you're different you can't win.

So you don't stand out but you don't fit in. Weird.

Isn't it strange how we all feel a little bit weird

Strange, how we all get a little bit...

Strange, 'cause we're all just a little bit weird sometimes.

 

 

"Me, Myself and I" By Hanson

Well it's hard to see you don't belong to me

'Cause I gave you the best part of my life

Well, I tried to be everything that you want me to be

But I don't have to give you reasons why

'Cause all that's left is me, myself, and I

 

I'm not gonna try to forget

Maybe happiness Is worth the chance

Of a bitter end?

'Cus here at the end of the road

I don't really care who is right

I'll give you the last word tonight

 

'Cause me, myself, and I will never be alone

We'll find a way to get along

And we'll be fine

When all that's left is me, myself, and I

Myself and I will never be alone

We will find a way to get along

And we'll be fine

When all that's left is me, myself, and I

 

La do do, la do do

 

 

"Last to Know" by Three Day Grace

I'll be the first to say

That now I'm okay

And for the first time

I've opened up my eyes

 

"Never Let it Go" By Three Day Grace

This world will never be

What I expected

And if I don't belong

Who would have guessed it

I will not leave alone

Everything that I own

To make you feel like it's not too late

It's never too late

 

"Photograph" By Nickelback

Look at this photograph

Everytime I do it makes me laugh

How did our eyes get so red

And what the hell is on Joey's head

 

"Cold and Empty" By Kid Rock

And why should i apologize

You knew all along this was my life

You know my ins and outs

All my fears and doubts

 

"Drift Away" By Dobbie Gray

And when my mind is free

You know a melody can move me

And when I'm feelin' blue

The guitar's comin' through to soothe me

 

Thanks for the joy that you've given me

I want you to know I believe in your song

And rhythm and rhyme and harmony

You've helped me along

Makin' me strong

 

Oh, give me the beat boys and free my soul

I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away

Give me the beat boys and free my soul

I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away

 

 

"Bitch" By Meredith Brooks

(my theme song)

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover

I'm a child, I'm a mother

I'm a sinner, I'm a saint

I do not feel ashamed

I'm your hell, I'm your dream

I'm nothing in between

You know you wouldn't want it any other way

 

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease

I'm a goddess on my knees

When you hurt, when you suffer

I'm your angel undercover

I've been numb, I'm revived

Can't say I'm not alive

You know I wouldn't want it any other way

 

Rebekah’s News © May-April 2012

 

 

 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 

Okay so we watched Wrestlemania (This is a spoiler, although it has been almost a week, so chances are you have already heard the winners.)

 

Shamus Vs. Bryan

(My prediction was that I believed that Shamus was going to win as I believe that Bryan wasn’t strong enough to complete the fight. I could never be a vegan; I love my meat. ;-) Besides I am keep the wildlife population balanced; I enjoy being high on the food chain.)

 

Rating: B-

Shamus pinned Bryan in like 10 seconds all because Bryan had to show off with a girl he doesn’t even deserve. He treats her like crap, so he deserved what he got. (By the way, females just distract you from getting your goals done. They are fun, but never bring them to work. Dumbass.)

 

Kane Vs Orton

(My prediction: I wasn’t sure as I feel that they were kind of evenly matched. The people’s favorite was Orton.)

 

Rating B-

First of all the camera seemed very close on this match; I didn’t need to see nose hairs okay?

Secondly, I think that Kane wasn’t as focused as he normally is. However there was a very good use of ropes. Kane won by choke slamming Orton on the ropes. (Orton got a bit cocky in the end, which was his weakness.)

 

Rhodes Vs Big Show

(My prediction: I think that the Big Show would win, because he was just bigger, stronger and more experienced.)

 

Rating B-

Rhode slipped out right away, scared, which was funny. I feel that the Big Show was really holding back. I just give it a B-, because it was the least entertaining.

 

 

Kelly Kelly and Maria Vs Beth Pheniox and Eve

(I have no predictions as I am just not into the divas on WWE. They just look pretty, they don’t know how to really fight. I used to like Kelly Kelly, but all she does is use others and take the glory.)

 

Rating C-

I just feel the divas on TNA are more extreme with hair pulling and swing the girls around.

They let go of some of the moves before they finished, so you could tell it was totally fake.

I wouldn’t mind seeing a bra and panties match.

Just like I said, Kelly Kelly took the glory when Maria pinned down Beth Phenoix.

 

Hell in a Cell Triple H Vs Undertaker with Shawn Michaels (HBK) as guest ref.

(I’m not sure of the winner, but I still believe it will be the Undertaker’s last match.)

 

Rating C

 

The Undertaker created it; Triple H perfected it!

HBK just seemed a bit too excited to be in control of end of an era and the Undertaker’s streak.

 

I cannot believe that the Undertaker cut his hair. (However, there are rumors that he had early stages of cancers just after Wrestlemania 2011, so he had to have three months of chemo, but I keep reading that it was rumors. However he had to have blood thinners to bruise like that.)

 

The first 20 minutes . . .

 

It just seemed it was DX Vs the Undertaker. HBK didn’t really do anything at first. (I really think he was just playing it fair. However everyone knows he wants a piece.) The Undertaker just really laid into Triple H and he let it.

 

They finally started to use weapons: the undertaker uses chairs, Triple H uses his sledgehammer.

 

HBK tries to slow him down only to get knocked out by the Undertaker. (What pissed me off was that they brought an extra ref, I call him Blondie. It was way too early for a ref anyway, and the final count should be done by HBK.)

 

HBK eventually kicked the Undertaker which allowed Triple H to use his finisher, but the count only got to 2.

 

“Karma is a bitch in the form of a metal chair.”ßRebekah © 2012

 

Winner: The Undertaker, but as much I wanted him to win, I didn’t see it coming.

 

Ending Note: There was something missing: I think it was the fact that no one went on top and through the cage. I also felt that they didn’t give it 110%, because the Undertaker has some health issues (cancer or not, he was on blood thinners as he had some serious bruising.)

 

I think the Undertaker should train a few guys under him, the same with Shawn Michaels and Triple H as I think we need more power and entertaining character wrestlers compared to the diva, drama wrestlers that we have now.

 

12 Men Tag team match

Johnny: Miz, Mark Henry, Drew Mcintyre, Jack Swagger, Ziggler, and David OTunga as Captain. (Ugly mascot: Vicki)

Vs

Teddy: R-Truth, Kofi Kingston, Zack Ryder, The Great Khali, and Booker T and Santino as Captain (Mascot: Hornswoggle,)

 

(Everyone seemed to want Teddy’s team to win; I hope so. I just feel that Johnny’s team going to play dirty. )

 

Rating C-

 

Kofi did some awesome moves around Ziggler.

 

Brooker T smacked around McIntyre; however, the rest of Johnny’s team seem to take turns on Brooker T. (I didn’t feel just because he was an announcer that he was the weakest link.)

Booker T wasn’t moving as Johnny’s team was just breaking the rules and going through the rope, beating on him without being tagged.

Then it turned into a free for all.

 

Brooker T tagged Santino. They are trying to make Santino a serious wrestler, but all I can see is a weird looking uni-brow guy with a sock puppet.

 

Miz snuck in for the win, but I cannot stand him. I think Cleveland should just cut him out like they have with LeBron James.

 

Johnny’s team won because of the damn Bella bitches.

 

 

C.M. Punk Vs Chris Jericho

 

(I have to have my vote for Punk. I am not for the Straight Edge Society, but I can’t get over how Jericho treats his fans.)

 

Rating B

 

At first they rolled around on the matt like it was made out of mud. It was slow at first and I was easily distracted. (The bar had a fight that pulled my attention.)

 

Jericho is a rat, plays like one and bites (punches) his fans like one.

 

Jericho tapped out in a hold. I give it a higher rating simply because Punk one.

 

 

John Cena Vs the Rock

 

(I think Cena’s going to have the stamina.)

 

Rating B-

 

Cena and Rock are both just working on grapples. (they had a bear hug for a while, it was the same hold they gave each other at the bar the night before. . . LOL)

 

The Rock played possum and I knew it as Cena had him the sleeper hold.

 

Cena mocked the Rock’s finisher and got cocky, which what allowed the Rock to beat him.

 

Overall it was entertaining, but I now currently have no favorite wrestler in WWE. HBK, Edge, Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy all left and Triple H is more of a suit than a wrestler. Tom is determined for me to watch WWE, but not until I find a wrestler that I like.