April Updates: Distractions and Weather
Front Page: April went so fast. . .
The weather has gotten warmer, but in Ohio you blink and it seems you miss the warm days. I am hoping that May stays warm. Mom was in the hospital at the beginning of the month; she had some female problems. She has to go back to make sure it’s nothing serious. She has been doing better, but she had lost a serious amount of blood. It’s funny, my mom looked like a zombie, my father when he went into the hospital for a GI bleed, looked like a zombie, and my brother had clots that made parts come off, so I am in a zombie family. Can’t my family keep blood in the body?
We have been trying to get out when the weather is warm. We took a few walks, even if it was just up to McDonalds.
We have been watching TV, and playing RPGs. It has been keeping us busy.
I keep trying to call to get an appointment for counseling to get a house, but the companies I have been working with have not contacted us back. I think one day I am just going to show up and see what they do then. Tom and I just want to know what to do to get a damn house. If his damn apartment didn’t have so many rules and people working against him, we would have still been there. I just hope that May is better month than April for finding a house. I do not want to even look until we talk to a counselor.
I have been doing pretty well, except a few minor sinus issues cause jaw soreness. However I have been craving salad. I just feel like I cannot get enough lettuce. I just do not make a simple salad either: I have to have a protein, spinach, sprouts, tomatoes, cheese, croutons etc. I have not met a person yet who does not like my salads. The thing is I just feel healthier eating them. So next month I am buying more salad type food.
Writing and Arts
I have been editing several chapters, but I am not even half way. I hope to get there soon. I need to get this book finished by the beginning of June, so I can get the proof and then the five free copies. However I don’t want to force my book, because I want to first vampire story to make sense. This has been a four year project.
I also need to work on the other books in the series. I am not sure if I want to work on book six: Deangelo’s story or work on book 2: Daris’ story.
I wrote a short story this week inspired by Top Chef. My mom had gotten three different seasons from the library. I just wish that they didn’t come in all at once.
I am Becky and I have a problem. I am a Sims addict: I love to download Sims stuff, creating and decorating lots, and watching sims live their lives as I tell them what to do. However this game distracts me from the writing and editing that I need to do. I need to schedule time for Sims.
We have been role playing in several different games. In Tom’s DnD game I am an elf. I have also been a cat, because we base some our characters off of Skyrim. Normally it’s based in a medieval setting, and we deal with magic and dragons.
Now we are playing a game called Shadowrun, and it’s a futuristic game, and I am an elf who is a mechanic that sells spare parts to the black market. However what sucked is that the character sheet was so complicated that it took me and hour and half to complete and I was the fastest character made. It based off the six die. However in some situations you can role 20 or more six die. I liked it because I could picture my character in a garage, with spare parts selling in alleys avoiding main phones line so I don’t get the wrong ears hearing my conversations. I also have connections. I bust my ass, and I avoid take drugs, so I sell them as fast as I get them. I have seen several friends and coworkers die into the technological drugs. I do not like the matrix as I was told by a kid that it’s addicting and not to trust anyone who wants me to hangout in technology. However now I am working with a team and one of them is connected to the matrix.
I have been trying to experiment around the house to find free wifi. I usually only get it whenever everyone is asleep, because they are still. I also take that little time and try to enjoy myself. However I might get 3-5 hours a week, if I arrange my sleep schedule. I haven’t had a normal sleep schedule is weeks.
We have been watching a few TV shows: Six Feet Under and Smallville. I have one more season left for Six Feet Under; I heard it was the most interesting season. It has been giving me weird dreams of life vs. death. We are watching seasons 5 and 6 of Smallville. I am sad, because I know that Lex only stays until season 7.
You need to get more motivated. You need to focus more on your writing, try your best to avoid distraction. Sims and TV are your biggest distractions.
Myself and I.
Laughter is the best medicine
15signs your boyfriend is control freak
15. During lovemaking, remains levitated just above a perfectly made bed and insists you do likewise.
14. Not only cuts up your steak for you, but numbers it as well.
13. The blindfold. The cuffs. The way she makes you yell "Thank you, Ms. Reno! May I have another?"
12. After you reach over to unlock his car door, he makes you do it again the *right* way.
11. He accedes to a romantic horse and buggy ride through Central Park -- *if* they let him drive.
10. Becomes furious if you have on your Tuesday socks at 11:30 PM Monday night.
9. He's carrying a copy of "Men are From Mars, Women Should Just Do What I Say."
8. "You idiot! That's not how you send a submission to the Top 5 list! Here, give me that keyboard."
7. If you use the wrong fork at dinner, she jabs the correct one into your neck.
6. When you threaten to leave her, she responds screaming, "And do what, Pretty Boy? Another AAMCO commercial?!?"
5. Swears she wouldn't correct you about your breathing if you weren't "doing it all wrong."
4. She sits on the couch and heckles that sloppy Martha Stewart Show.
3. Refuses to let you call Mia on Mother's Day.
2. His TV remote has a PIN number.
1. She keeps telling you that even though you're just a humble boy from Arkansas now, if you stick with her, you'll be President someday.
We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
A guy named Bob is travelling by Amtrak with two strangers sitting close to him.
He is trying to sleep, but those guys were speaking loudly for a very long time heavily criticizing George Bush, the war in Iraq, corruption, unemployment, etc.
So Bob, in an attempt to force the guys to stop talking and let him sleep, tells them as a joke, that there is a new total control system developed by the FBI that spies upon all citizens, and there are lots of listening devices everywhere, so that anyone criticizing the government would be severely punished.
This didn't have any effect on those guys, moreover they just laughed at Bob, and carried on and on, saying even more rude jokes about George Bush and the government.
Finally, close to 3:00 am, Bob goes to the restroom, and runs into the train conductor.
Bob asks the conductor to bring him some water and sleeping pills at exactly 3:00 a.m.
He goes back to his place and says loudly into the base of his seat, so that talkative guys could hear him:
"If the FBI director can hear me: could you please bring me a glass of water and some sleeping pills at 3:00 a.m., because there are some idiots here who are speaking too loudly about some political issues and won't let me sleep."
The guys continue talking.
Exactly at 3:00 am, the door opens and the conductor comes out, and gives Bob the water and some sleeping pills.
The guys are shocked and finally stop talking. Bob is happy and manages to fall asleep...
When he wakes in the morning, the talkative guys are no where to be found.
Out of curiosity he asks the conductor about them, (also remembering that there shouldn't have been any stops at night).
The conductor replies that some people in black suits stopped the train and arrested those guys.
Bob is completely shocked and surprised and asks about why he was not arrested.
The conductor answers that he doesn't have a clue but one of the guys in black suits said that the director of the FBI liked Bob's joke about the water and pills...
Well, I guess my father and mom were in the hospital at the same time. Mom had to get a mass removed that was causing her to lose blood. She has to see the doctor about options next month. My father had another infection his shoulder, and he is back on IV antibiotics. However he is not letting his new wife, who is a nurse, take care of him. Now I know where I get my stubbornness.
The weird thing is that this was not the first time that this has happened. I was in robot mood up until last week; I just broke down when everyone else was a sleep as I wrote a letter to my father trying to explain why I haven’t talked to him since October. However I have not sent it yet and I not sure if I will, because there is a piece of me that wants him to figure this out on his own. I pretty sure he’ll never figure it out as he will pass blame on everyone but himself.
Okay so to make a three page letter, really short: I stopped talking to my father when he tried to control my hair, get me into being in his third wedding, and then he tried to get me to move into his old house. I believe these are controlling strategies. He tried to control my money when I worked. He would try to control hormones if he could. (He even uses my little brothers to get me to tell him info and/or to come over. I have had to drop them as well, because I know whatever I tell them, especially my youngest brother, it will get back to my father. I miss my brothers.)
Anyway, he went off moved out of his house, and into a woman with my name that he didn’t know a year. He wanted to switch all the plans for my 30th birthday, so I can bake cookies, and be in his wedding. (I really like the woman he has married, but I think they got into it way too fast. I didn’t stop talking to him, because of her, but believes it is. What gets me is that I look like my mom, act like my father, and now I have the same name as my new stepmother. . . where is my own identity?)
My father also doesn’t know the real me, when I visit him, I have this robotic mask on. He can’t handle the bitchy, emotional me. He claims that all females are unstable, but it’s just because they have hormones rushing through their bodies once a month. I can get just as hormonal as the next woman so month more so. (Tom is amazing for being able to handle me.) My father also doesn’t know about my spiritual beliefs and the fact that I have been against the church since I found out about the lairs and politics that run most churches. I also do not believe in marriage. You don’t need a ring or piece of paper to tell someone you love them or that you want to live together. I also think a child needs a mother and father: they don’t need to be husband and wife to be good parents. Most people I know that are married, feel stuck, and feel that they cannot change. Tom and I don’t have a normal relationship: we are in an open relationship, we tell each other everything and it works for us. The important thing is that we are happy.
The thing is I am happy with myself. I am happy wanting to be a writer for a living. I am happy with Tom. I am happy trying to do things on our own. I am happy with my beliefs, my love of art, and myself. I don’t care if my family approves of me or not, it’s their lost, not mine.
I think I am not talking to him the most, because I don’t want to hear that he might say that I am bad influence and he doesn’t want the boys to see me. That would hurt me the most, I really do miss them.
The thing that irks me the most at my mom’s house is when I go to edit, write, or watch TV and everyone wants me to talk to them or do some kind of chore or errand. There have been times where I would ask before and they say that they don’t need anything and yet once I get on the computer, then they would ask me do to the chore or try to talk to me. They also get me started up on some stupid thing like religion, politics, or my father, get me frustrated and then wonder why I am mad. My mother’s view and my uncle’s view are defiantly not my view. I could never have them represent me, because we look at the world completely different. Actually their views really don’t make that much sense to me.
My uncle and brother really tear down my good vibes. My brother thinks he’s always right, but I know more facts than he does. And when you add the stubbornness from our parents, he acts like a jerk. He also keeps trying to get people to buy him alcohol; I like when he is broke so he can’t drink. I would try an intervention, but it wouldn’t do much good, because he doesn’t believe he has a problem. He has a missing leg and phantom pains and he believes that the alcohol is the only thing gets rid of those pains. I think he needs to get to a doctor or use some kind of alternative medicines.
My uncle is one of the most negative people I have ever met. I have some theories, but they are kind of personal. He calls himself a realist, but he puts down every one of our hopes, and dreams that my mom and I talk about. I liked to believe at one point I was a realist as well, but a realist is one who looks at both positive and negative aspects, but still has high hopes. They dream with positivity and look at the negativity as if they are warnings. I just wish he would just find a happy place without money.
I also can’t wait to get our own place, because I rarely have time to myself and I have to share everything. I share my cookies, my salad stuff, my shampoo, my soda, this is getting old really fast, especially when I go to get something and it’ gone, because I didn’t hide it well enough.
I hope to get our own place really soon, because I really want my own space and my own stuff.
Tom and I will stay with a friend of ours at least every other weekend, sometimes more. I get free wifi, and I get to cook on a stove that has a range for griddle. It’s nice, I feel like I am cooking on a TV show in that kitchen. I also get to make waffles with strawberries.
Anyway, my mom had an afternoon to herself and my father showed up. Of course, my mom was freaked out, especially with their bad history. Anyway, so she told him that we were staying with a friend and she had no idea where we were. (It’s not a lie, because she hadn’t been around the house.) I just wish my father would leave me alone long to do something. But no, he has to try to control everything. I am not to be controlled!
I have really been lacking in spirituality. I need to get back to my spiritual side. I have talked to the Goddess here and there. I hope for warm weather soon so I can enjoy myself outside.
I think I am going to try and find spirituality in food: in cooking it, in preparing it, and hopefully in enjoying it!
Things I am grateful for. . .
1. Sunny, warm days
2. Not being sick
3. Salads, especially with fresh spinach
4. Getting my errands done in one day
5. No pain
6. My boyfriend (being so patient)
7. Free WiFi
8. Colors of spring: flowers, leaves, and grass
9. Time to edit